Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
– George Bernard Shaw
The above quote says a lot about why I’m starting this blog. When I was deciding on the tagline, I thought of being blunt and just use “My Journey of Battling Depression”. Yet I know I don’t want to just blog about my depression, or sound all negative and pessimistic here. One day I want to be able to look back at my posts, and feel that they are written by a happy and sweet girl who’s curious about everything in the world.
On the other hand, I have never been sure about who I am, what I’m good at, or what kind of person I want to be. This has distressed me, to the point where I don’t know how to live for myself but everyone else. My life was spent trying to impress them. The lack of sense of self had induced suicidal thoughts because I felt that I was always failing, always disappointing others. Even I was disappointed in myself. However, on the day of my brother’s birthday, which was yesterday, I realized if I knew neither how to live up to their expectations nor how to live for myself, I’d live my life for him, for my cousin, for the people I care about. I want to be better for them, be a good sister, good cousin, good friend to them; I want to be there to support them emotionally, financially, and in whatever ways I can. And the only way to achieve that is to stay alive, and actually be in their lives.
I guess this post serves the purpose of being a promise, from me to my brother, and to myself, that I will learn to be a good person and a good sister from now on. I have to be stronger to be able to share his pain and to become one of the people who help him through the obstacles in life.
Last but not least, it’s never too late to discover who you are, it’s never too late to start over. This blog will record my journey of growing up, and how I discover different sides and strengths within myself.
P.S. Now that you’ve read my first post, I’d like to read yours too! What’s your reason to start a blog? Please feel free to comment, and I look forward to meeting interesting people like you on here 🙂